Valley

Ye though I walk through  the valley of death

The valley is really deep, and it’s a lot darker than I thought it would be. It’s hard to know if you’re even walking in the right direction. I could be walking backwards for all I know. I could be walking to the right or left, making this valley a lot longer than it has to be.

I don’t think that for the longest time that I even knew that this was my valley.

Maybe depression is my valley.

But can you come through depression? Or do you just learn to manage?

I feel like the valley also has like mini valleys within the valley. Valleyception per say. Like I think you can forget that you’re in the valley. You get used to the darkness. Then one morning you’re choking back sobs as you clutch onto your mother’s seizure medicine, looking for an end to it all. What’s crazy is the next day, you’re wondering why you had such extreme thoughts. Then it happens again, and the cycle continues.

But i’m getting weak. I’m in this valley and I don’t know where to go, and I’m tired of walking.

I know that he is with me and he wants me to trust in him,

But me oh my it is so hard.  When you’re in one of those choking-back-sobs-no-need-for-life kinda states, it’s hard to believe that these feelings serve a greater purpose. It’s when you want to lash out and hate God for making you feel this way.

I know that’s not how you’re supposed to feel. But in those moments the feelings are so raw, and they demand to be felt.

I’m out of my mini valley for today.

Inhale.

Exhale.