I think way too hard, and way too much. I have swept every dusty corner with my mind. If it exist, then I have probably thought about it.
Today, I was thinking how often people shrink and morph themselves into these creatures they believe will appeal to the masses. People mold their personalities and their views so that they will feel as though they fit in and so they don’t step on anyone’s toes.
I caught myself doing this today. I was spending time with some people that I didn’t know very well and I noticed my personality quickly departing from my body. On the surface I looked comfortable, I laughed along with all of the jokes, and agreed politely at the important moments but I never made any contributing opinion or thoughts of my own to the conversation. The part of me that burst with wit and silly humor had gone completely silent. Even if I wanted to fake that I was confident and force my way into the conversation, my mind had literally gone silent and there was nothing to say. I felt completely powerless and disconnected from who I was.
This is actually something that has been happening often, it’s just now worrying me and setting off alarms. The emotional side of me completely shuts down when I am feeling insecure and vulnerable, and this isn’t something that I want for myself.
I want to radiate with the spirit of who I truly am, not embody a weak and powerless person.
Sigh
Learning to let go 